Kevin Shoffner

always pondering

journey

3 Words 2015

by 6 Comments

After a successful and accomplished 2014, I took some time to look back only to realize that my soul-searching and planning for the year really paid off.  Unlike most who make New Year Resolutions only to break them, I think finding guiding words would be more helpful for guiding my life.

In the post “One, Two, Three – Words of 2014“, I explained that I was not going to have New Year Resolutions/Goals, but instead put 3 words into place and help guide my life through the year.

Those words were Fair, Ownership, and Open…
In 2014, I tried to have the mindset of:
Being fair to others as well as myself, by not promising too much (of them or myself). This has always been hard for me, as I do not like to say “no” for anything.
Ownership for doing things, good or bad, and go from there.
Open to the world, others, myself.

In 2015, I am challenging myself once again.
Believe… Passion… Expand…

 

Believe…

I want to start listening to my gut more.
There was a long time when the lack of belief in myself was a major reason in my life.
I didn’t pursue an ideal career or push my business, because I didn’t think I could. I didn’t stick to habits because I didn’t really believe I had the discipline. I had a hard time making new friends, I didn’t assert myself in the workplace. I didn’t push past my comfort zone. All because I didn’t really believe I could. These days that feeling has started to change within my soul.

believe-2015-3words
So I plan to work on:

  • Pushing past discomfort, and understand failing is not always a bad thing.
  • Putting myself out there, and be OK with not knowing if people will accept me or not.
  • Learn to trust myself.
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. – Buddha

Click To Tweet

 

Passion…

There are very few things I am truly passionate about.  I like things/topics (i.e., sports, food, video games, lounge singing), but when I use the word passion, it’s not used lightly. Since about 1994, I’ve been drawn to the workings of websites. It wasn’t until 1998-2000 when I realized people did this as a job, and got paid to make websites. I started working at a local company and my supervisor, Oscar Monahan (not the character from CSI:Miami) recommended that I use some of my creativity to also work with graphics software.  Since then, I have done one of my passions as a “job” and feel completely lucky to do so.passion-2015-3wordsThis year, I am going to pursue and grow my passions to try to go outside of my comfort zone.

  • I want to do more in nature
  • I want to build on my digital skills
  • I want to be a better dad
It’s a beautiful thing when a career and a passion come together #job #doWhatYouLike

Click To Tweet

Expand…

No, I am not talking about my waist line here… For way too long, I’ve let my fear of the unknown hold me back.  As part of my other words this year, I need to believe in myself a little more and expand on what my passion has been for years. Going into the unknown and expanding what can then become known.  There was a quote a heard years ago that went something like Start Wide, Expand, and never regret. This is so true.  Most people are more likely to look back to the past and think I wish I would have done X. This year, I plan to expand my knowledge on a few topics and soul. Heck, I’ve already expanded my family size so might as well continue.

 

 

 

I want to give credit for this idea to Chris Brogan, Debbie Schallock, Susan Murphy.

What I believe?

by 2 Comments

Most people have strong looks on life, politics, religion, iPhone vs Android, and pizza. Beliefs of all types mold who you are, and who you will become. Beliefs are just like opinions in that there is no right or wrong belief, but it is great to explore yours from time to time. I as well have my own beliefs, and thought it would be worthwhile to share a few of my own beliefs.

 

Everyone has something to bring to the table; listen.

Maya Angelou - When you learn, teach. When you get, giveWe are all unique, with special skills and talents. When everyone gets a voice, and others listen, great things can happen. Some times you won’t be heard and you may get frustrated, but we cannot control what others are doing. Instead of shutting down, listen to them and offer advice.  Over time, your advice might be heard. If this becomes the case, those people will hear you more often.

Recently when Maya Angelou passed away, I couldn’t help to think about a quote she once said:

When you learn, teach. When you get, give. – Maya Angelou

When you learn, teach. When you get, give #teaching #angelou

Click To Tweet

We are all teachers.

I can usually learn something new from every person I encounter. I believe that everyone has the ability to teach something new to someone else. I love it when that happens, and watching it happen for others. If you are not learning from others, you are not paying enough attention to those around you. Keep an open head and heart, you will learn.

The direction which education starts a man will determine his future life - PlatoI believe in lifelong learning.

Learning continues throughout a lifetime. I love the quote:

“I’d rather know some of the questions than all of the answers.” – James Thurber

What you see is what you get.

I don’t like pretending. I will strive to put myself out there in the most honest, transparent way possible. Even if it’s not the most popular method. And I tend to gravitate toward people who share the same philosophy.

Cooperation beats competition every time.

Exciting stuff happens when we pool our talents together. I love sharing back and forth with my colleagues who are in the same industry. We all have different skills and backgrounds, but putting those different talents together make amazing things happen.

A sense of humor will get you through almost anything.

Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything. - James ThurberLaughing—at myself and at the weird stuff life which can be thrown into my life sometimes is the only way to make it through the times. Laughter is good for the soul, and feels good.  Take advantage of it, and use it often.

It is better to look for what we have in common than what divides us.

I won’t go near the political discussions on social media because I truly believe that it builds walls, because I would rather be a bridge for getting people together. For years I would help others find their own bridges, but I built walls around myself and didn’t really understand. Finally I discovered it was because I was insecure and afraid what would happen if those walls came down.  Over the last few years, I’ve let many of those walls down and opened up more. It feels wonderful, and I wish others would try it more often.

Don’t try to find the division between each other, even though it is extremely easy to do so. Take a little time and effort and see what you have in common with your neighbor, it will be worth it.

People are basically good.

I have found that most people are honest, kind and wanting to do the right thing. If I go into this expectation when meeting a new person, I am rarely disappointed.

 

 

Go. Explore. Learn.

 

Explore yourself and your beliefs today #life #thoughts #travel

Click To Tweet

Your mindset – Eating Soup With A Fork…

by Leave a Comment

For years my mindset was to be a very negative person, carried lots of baggage, and just threw pity parties for myself for the heck of it.  But in the last few years I really started thinking about my mindset, and how it has affected the rest of my life choices.

So when you hear this phrase, do you think negatively or positivity:

Eating Soup With A Fork…

 

When you wake up in the morning you get to choose your very own mindset every day. Think about that for a second.  That is an amazing power to hold. So what do you chose to do?

  • Start the day with a positive outlook, or do you
  • Start the day with a negative outlook

It’s so easy to start with negative thoughts:

Gosh, another day of work.

It’s only Wednesday!

It’s raining/too cold/too hot outside

It’s just so easy to do that, and I’ve done it so many times.  But what if just for a month, you woke up and found something positive to say? Every November, I see so many people post things they are grateful for building up to Thanksgiving and I see so many people find good things to say, and less negative vibes. Why don’t we do that every month, every day? Is it so hard? Now, let’s face it. Some days it will be hard and you will have to dig for something to be grateful for, but try it. You will find something to be grateful for each and every day. A good attitude doesn’t just happen, you have to work at it.

If you can’t be happy where you are, you will probably never get to where you want to be. #motivation

Click To Tweet

Post by Hank Bowman.

The above video was recorded a while back and really states a point that I feel too many people forget. There are so many approaches and possibilities we have each and every day.  Some which you can control while others you cannot. Keep positive as much as you can. You have to be happy with what you have and where you are at now or you will never reach where you want to be.

Think about it this way = We can’t control the weather or control others, so why complain about it.  Instead, go with the flow with these factors and find a way to make it work.  If you go through life just being happy when things are going your way, you will find that life does not go your way often.  Instead, if you go through life finding things to be grateful for, life will go your way much more often.

Seriously – Set your tone for your day, and life. Try it, what do you have to lose? You can make the choice today and do one of the following:

  • Go out expecting problems & people not treating you nice, you will get your wish.
  • Go out expecting people to be good to you. If it doesn’t happen, keep a smile on your face and go with the flow. Something will happen even better. Maybe not today, but it will happen.

 

I’ve heard this type of mindset similar to faith.

You have to believe it before you see it

You have to believe it before you see it #faith #life

Click To Tweet

 

When bad things or people come into your life, realize it’s just part of the plan. One good break can make up for all of those bad-breaks in the past. You have the choice to look for those breaks!

Do you see beauty or do you see prickly?

prick-beauty

Being negative is a lot of work, and draining to your body

Your life follows your thoughts. If you think

“this is not going to go my way”  = no problem, it won’t

“I’ll never meet the right person” = that only draws in loneliness

“I hate my job” = only draws negativity to your workspace, which effects your performance

“I’ll never do that” = you’re right, it’s only going to draw in mediocrity

Go out keeping your mind focused on the good thoughts, makes your mind too full for the discouraging thoughts

Years back, I didn’t like the way Olive Garden’s cheesecake tasted. Instead of complaining, I went home and learned to make them, and they are better than any manufacturing company can make.

I also didn’t think have confidence that I was good at DIY’s like woodworking or making things with my hands and was afraid to start any project. But then I told myself it couldn’t be that hard, so I learned to make candles and soap, next building small things with my hands, and now I am not afraid (too much) about what I can carry out with the right tools. Challenge me!
I also believe that in many cases, your body will not get well until your brain gets well.
For me, I think a good part of my health over the years has played a role in my mental health. I feared so long that seizures would affect me and always focused on them. I told myself one day that I wouldn’t let them control me or who I am, and it’s been over 6 months since my last seizure.

Give yourself permission to be happy

This is going to be a good day!

 

So, instead of thinking that

“Eating Soup With A Fork” as impossible and as negative as possible,

Think about “Eating Soup With A Fork” positively, in which you can never can get enough.

 

*I originally posted the article Eating Soup With A Fork in 2010, and have been so grateful of my relative who had such great wisdom. I read that journal entry she wrote for a reason; I am sure of it…

 

 

 

 

 

St. Valentine – The untold story.

by Leave a Comment

When you hear “St. Valentine” what do you think about? Flowers? Balloons? Stuffed animals & chocolate? February 14th? Satan’s day (for singles)? My guess is – “yes of course.” (at least for one of these) What if I told you there is much more to St. Valentine that chocolate covered strawberries and cupid flying around shooting arrows into young love birds?

So before you read any further, ask your question:

What would you advocate for?

Share your thoughts in the comments area below.

Quick historic facts about St. Valentine, himself:

As a Roman priest around 250+/- AD, St. Valentine did not think it was a good idea for young couples to get married. See back then, the “traditional” way of marriage was to have Polygamy partnerships. Thus, he believed young soldiers who got married would be terrible on the battlefield because they might be too caught up thinking about lots of lady-lovin’ back at home, instead of being focused and effective enough out in the field. Okay, that sounds pretty reasonable if you ask me; lots of lady-lovin’ is not such a bad thing. So instead of leaving too many hotties back home, he (Valentine) was determined to have people do this whole “one man & one woman committed relationship”, which was a sin! He would marry people in secret. Oops, that turned out to be not a good idea. So the Emperor imprisoned Valentine for these acts, but then for a few reasons the same Emperor started liking Valentine. But when Valentine made the mistake to try to convert the Emperor to wanting everybody to have a 2 person marriage, it was the bottom-line… So that was the last act for Valentine. He was beaten with clubs, stoned, and beheaded on February 14th, around 270.

All because he wanted people to marry single spouses…  Dang him!
Pretty romantic so far, right?

Since St. Valentine has been well-known for wanting to make marriages set to a couple, instead of a polygamy partnership, he is known as the patron for engaged couples, happy marriages, and lovers.

 

Ok so there was the history lesson, get to the point Kevin… Have you continued to think about what I asked about earlier?  

What would you advocate for?

Do you love something so much that you would stand up for it, no manner what?  Some people say they would stand up for their children, their partner, their religious beliefs, their pets, or maybe something else altogether. But would you stand up for what you believe in? I mean, here is a guy who stood up for couples who wanted to be happy and go against the government (i.e., the Church) and do what they felt was right.  Go against traditional marriage and join in a partnership with the one other person they loved.

Isn’t that what we all ask for today? Is that such a big thing to ask for?

I want to say there are things I would advocate for so much that I would be willing to die for them, but I think when it comes down to it, there are probably only 2 or 3 things that I would feel that way for.  Look inside of yourself, and think about that about yourself.  Look deep inside.

If you find there are not things, I don’t think that is a bad thing.

If you find there are things though, really think about them and why you feel that way. Do you show that in your daily life? If not, why not???

What would you advocate for? #valentine #love #diefor

Click To Tweet

Share your thoughts in the comments area below; what / who would die for?

Additional History Lesson – Extra spin for those who read this far:

Did you know St. Valentine is also known as a Patron for many things other things? The one that really hits home for me – Patron of epileptics. The name “Valentine” and the German word for “fallen,” which is gefallenen, as it’s pronunciation sounds like “Valentine.”  So I guess when you have “fallen” in love for St. Valentine’s Day, you might want to think again what you are implying…

 

< Research credit: Epilepsy UK >
< Sense of humor credit: me >

 

One, Two, Three – Words of 2014

by 4 Comments

As 2013 came to a close, I was spending a bit of time deliberating on what my previous year brought me and what I could expect from 2014. As a person who believes karma is real, I still do not quite have enough faith in it to think you can just slide along being nice without some direction, and all things will just come my way. This year I wanted to approach it by trying to set the stage… This year I am shaping my year using a few actionable words to my vocabulary to help guide me.

This, to me, is not the same as doing New Year’s Resolutions, so don’t think this is just another blog about resolutions. Heck, I don’t trust myself with those any more than I trust myself with diets. Instead, I wanted to at least give myself some guidance, some would say “goals,” for 2014.

When I started making my list of goals guidance tools, I remembered some of my inspiring fellow bloggers (Brian Gardner, Cooldeb, and Bobbi Klein) words of thought, and decided it was time for me to put things out there.

Here are my Words of 2014:

Fair

For years, I have programmed myself to be dependable and fair to get things done if I had agreed to do those things. You know: being on time for something, getting a project done, helping out a friend when I didn’t have the resources to help. Not that this is a bad thing on its surface, but dig a little deeper.

give-powerSome time during 2013, a weight started to press on me causing me to realize something. Being so dependable for others all the time had caused me to not been very dependable to myself.  I would make sure I bent over backwards to make sure others would have something done or feel a particular way, but it usually meant there was a hardship on me. I didn’t get “my things” done, or my feelings would not be expressed. With that, maybe I would clean up a mess for somebody and delay something of mine, but then afterwards, I would tend to be “humble” about it or not take credit for the hard work I had done. Basically, I would discount my time and my worth.

Wait a minute? This old mindset had to change!  My time and efforts are important and valuable, and others need to realize this.

If I am taking the time to help you – you should appreciate my efforts.

Right? If not, doesn’t that just discount myself just like I’ve allowed others to do to me? I’m not saying I want to get honored for every good thing I do, but I just don’t want others to take advantage of my good heart.

 

Ownership

I’m a nerd at heart, plan and simple. I’ve known that for my entire life. I enjoy sitting around talking about computers, video games, camera specs, and PMS colors (BTW for all of you who know the inside joke: No bi#Ch, stop taking it so personal because I am not referring to a female condition. So shut up!). Even though I have known about my nerdiness for years I still wanted to “just fit in” or be accepted by any particular group instead of being comfortable in my skin. I tried to find comfort through the clothes I wore, people to associate with, or just generally becoming a chameleon as the situation called for it. But why?  Why have I tried to be somebody different than who I am? Why am I putting so much energy into not being true to myself? Not being true to myself only meant I couldn’t be true to those closest to me.

if you cannot love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else - RuPaulIt wasn’t until mid 2013 that I started even trying to do something about this. Now, look around my blog – I’ve really started opening up and becoming much more transparent about who I am. I talk about geeky stuff, I talk about my interests in cooking and doing random Do-It-Yourself projects, and I talk about my medical condition. I have opened up to myself and those around me can see me for who I am.

So, If I want to listen to Trampled by Turtles /Ralph Stanley / Avett Brothers then switch to Crash Test Dummies / AC/DC / LMFAO, I just will do it… If I just want to dance in public or sing in my yard while mowing, I am just going to do it. If one weekend I want to do something off Pinterest (or God forbid actually make create something just to pin there) like make candles or homemade laundry detergent, but then want to go off and enjoy nature, then I think I just will.

These things might seem random to others, but these things make me feel creative, and happy, which provides much enrichment in my life.

 

Open

This will have many meaning to me moving forward, but the great thing is I can do so much with this word.

  • I will be looking for ways to get out in the “open” more and find the beauty all around me. Enjoy the sounds and sites we are all blessed with, yet take for granted. I am too plugged in most weeks, but love being outdoors. It’s time to open my windows and my mind and get out more. In the last few years I have traveled many places for the first time. Let’s hope I continue to keep my eyes “open” and my mind just as “open”.
  • I have so much in my life, I need to be able to “open” my arms to others and give some of what I am blessed with. It’s amazing when I look around at how much I have, and what I really can give.
  • Be more “open” to hearing and receiving people’s feelings, thoughts, and criticisms. Give opinions when asked, because people who ask think highly enough of you to ask. Just because they may not go with your opinion doesn’t mean anything. It wasn’t right or wrong.
  • Become more “open” about my medical condition. Although this also falls under my newfound “ownership” in being comfortable with who I am, I still need to be more open about things as well. Since I spent the majority of my life running for the conversations, this is going to take a lot of practice for me. I don’t like talking about myself, but there are things I need to say. It may take me a while to get things out, but I will get better about it as time goes on.

Look at situations for all angles and you will become more openLook, in summary the goal I have for myself (and hope you would consider thinking about) moving forward is this:

Be honest with yourself, take credit for your accomplishments because they are awesome, and remember we only live once (as far as I know) so be yourself and do what you love doing… Awesomeness will become you.

Have you thought about:

What words for 2014 will guide you? #MyThreeWords

Click To Tweet

 

Comments are welcome on this, as always.